PeaPod, you are my new best friend. Not only can I get groceries delivered to my door, I can get them delivered before 8 in the morning on a weekend, which means that I can spend the morning cooking and the afternoon hanging out, instead of spending the morning grocery shopping, and the afternoon cooking.

First up! Pumpkin spice granola! I stuck to the tried and true 2 Peas and a Pod for this first-time-in-America batch. The recipe makes about 5 cups.

Second up! Pumpkin chocolate chip granola bars! Again, sticking to the tried and true.

Both of the recipes can be made without applesauce. For the granola, just up the pureed pumpkin. For the granola bars, substitute chopped apple that’s been simmered in sugar and cinnamon, and up the pureed pumpkin. I also added almonds to each to increase protein.

Third up! Delicious lunch. Roast beef on Russian bread, Granny Smith apples with almond butter, Baked Lays, string cheese, and some sort of pumpkin pastry I got from Whole Foods. Every lunch should be this delicious.

After eating, Bertrand and I headed out to the National Mall to get our sightseeing on.

We spent a few hours just wandering.

Dinner was a creamy lemon asparagus chicken pasta … thing. It was delicious, but the recipe needs some tweaking before I post it. Happy Labor Day!

I haven’t been blogging because I hate this blog. There. I said it. THIS BLOG MAKES ME CRAZY. It is annoying (like me), neurotic (like me), and damn unfunny (unlike me). I’ve written enough “I can’t find my voice” posts to sink a damn battleship.

The strange thing is that I have a few “fitness buddies,” with whom I exchange emails privately. I love the emails I send them! They are funny. Eloquent. Feminist. Honest. Yes, neurotic too.

While I’m figuring things out (and freaking out about a possible furlough at work), here are some links I’ve liked over the past few days:

Food is cheaper because costs are “externalized”. Marion Nestle’s excellent explanation for how American food stays so cheap compared to the rest of the world. Do you not read Food Politics? You should!

Lentil Loaf, on Feed Me I’m Cranky. I’m making this for dinner tonight! Oh, protein, I miss you so!

Free-Market Solutions for Overweight Americans. Matt Ridley examens healthy living vouchers as a solution for obesity. I’m not convinced, as better and universal access to healthy foods, health care, and education would do largely the same thing, but with much less cost and negative externalities. Oh, I’m sorry, is my progressive showing?

Reddit is awesome. I’m a longtime lurker, but the most recent 90daysgoal got me active and posting. NERD CRED LEVEL 1000 RESTORED.

What is /r/90daysgoal?

90 days at a time, over a thousand redditers make a committment to get fit! We post daily updates, track our weight, calorie intake, and/or exercise, and encourage each other along the way. There’s a focus on fitness over weight loss and no judgement. It’s a bunch of socially inept computer geeks figuring out how to be a little bit healthier, 90 days at a time.

We’re starting the 2nd week, and it’s been a huge incentive for me.

Other positive news

Movie night and brunch w/ work colleagues were both a blast over the weekend. I’m a bit uncertain about the work-life-balance upset that comes from partying with my coworkers all the time, but hey! I did it in college, so why not in Benin too?

Everytime I’ve opened my mouth about exercise or losing weight over the past few days, at least two other women have chimed in to say “me too!” I get the impression everybody’s desperate to talk about it, but weirded out by (or shy about) doing so. And every man listening has weighed in with his opinion on our workouts or weight loss strategies. Hmmm. This has given me quite a bit of food for thought.

I have a lunch date tomorrow with a friend. We’re going to a fancy-schmancy French restaurant (YES I WILL TAKE PICTURES I SWEAR). Tomorrow’s the last day we can go because I’m giving up meat for lent, and as my friend recently discovered, this restaurant doesn’t do vegetarian. I’m going to the gym before work tomorrow to make up for the damage. YUM!

There are some weird politics and power games going on at work. I don’t like politics or power games, which puts me in kind of a weird position as a (very competent!) local hire. I do very well, not because I know how to play the game, but because I work hard and always consider the effects of my actions on others. Almost a year into the job, I’m still processing this change in my outlook.

Are there any seemingly ordinary things that are making you happy these days?

Last week, I decided to stop hiding my efforts to live healthier. Today, I said it was about health and not being skinny. LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE.

It’s about no longer being the fattest person in the room.
It’s about those awful pitying looks I get when I talk about eating cleanly and healthily.
It’s about the links between obesity and infertility.
It’s about wanting to run a 5K, a 10K, and why the hell not a half marathon?
It’s about not wanting to walk around in my bathing suit, not because I’m embarrassed, but because others will be embarrassed for me.
It’s about being tired of reclaiming words like “fat,” and making it OK to talk about losing weight.
It’s about having more energy and being fit enough to do what I want with my life.

Indeed. Indeed.

I’ve been blogging here on himynameistheresa for almost a year now, and I still haven’t found my voice. I’m still not comfortable talking about food and fitness. I still wonder if blogging here makes me look like a basketcase or just very very young.

Anyway. I’m happy to hear that my colleagues at work are reading (but not commenting! c’mon, guys!). Knowing that all of my streams are irreversibly crossed makes all of this easier. Everyone knows I’m on a diet, I’m trying to lose weight, and that I want to be fit (and run a half marathon! yeah!). And hey! If I make it a little bit more normal to talk about this stuff, even better!

P.S. Now that everyone’s reading, nobody freak out that I’m carrying my camera everywhere (except where I can’t, of course).

Nothin’ like starting the day right with delicious oatmeal and coffee. It’s usually too dark to get a good picture before I leave for work, but over the weekend? Perfect sunlight falls on Bertrand’s desk around 7:30 each morning. Continue reading →

I am fucking accomplished in every other area of my life. Why can’t I control what I put in my mouth? And why do I order a second demi-carafe of wine when I know I’m going to regret the calories the next morning?

A colleague whom I respect greatly made an offhand comment to me about being on a diet. She’s an accomplished leader, mother, cook, superwoman. If she’s not embarassed to admit in public that she’s watching her weight, WTF should I?

I could use some encouragement and accountability. I’m struggling (clearly), but I’m still unwilling to go back to posting daily calories. This is a public blog, and because it doubles as a food and recipe blog, I’m not interested in sharing my failures with my coworkers and distant friends. I have enlisted my husband in a minor way, but I’m sure I can do better.

I do not like how society normalizes behaviors that are disordered in skinny people but encouraged for us fatties.

Today I got up early to write and work. Tomorrow, I’m going to get up 30-minutes earlier to walk and then write. It’ll only give me 30 minutes, but the sunshine is now so hot after work that it’s miserable walking home. Even right now, before dawn, it’s humid and uncomfortable.

Oh, rainy season, you are miserable.

I didn’t actually get up because I wanted to write. I got up because my cat’s developed a strange habit of crying and whining every day at 5:15. She’ll go on until we get up, even if we don’t get up until 6:30. Net effect? Bertrand and I stay in bed, but we don’t actually get any extra sleep.

The experiment? Is the cat lonely? Begging for food? Begging for attention? Just cranky? Turns out, she just wants one of us out of bed. It doesn’t matter who it is. It doesn’t matter whether we pay attention to her or not. She’s decided that it’s time for someone to wake-up and by God, we’d better wake up. Once someone’s up, the noise stops.

Bertrand’s been burning the midnight oil lately, so I figured I’d experiment w/ the cat <em>and</em> let him get a little bit extra sleep this morning.

Am I awesome or what?

Welcome to the hot season in Cotonou. If you’ve never had the joy of living through la chaleur in West Africa, please don’t tell me how bad Mississippi, Georgia, Alabama, and Florida are. In fact, you already know where you can shove your hot humid American summers. I’ve lived through Southern summers (thank you Crossmen!). You ain’t got nothin’ on the hot season here.

Up North, you face scorching sunshine and temperatures upwards of 105F. In the South, temps stay in the 90 – 100 range. What makes it so bloody unlivable in Cotonou? The unrelenting humidity.* How do I cope? Lots of talcum powder, showers 3-4 times a day, and no clothes. Wait … what!? Naked Theresa? OH MY GOD MY EYES!!!! Just kidding! West African women wear 2m x 1m wraps as skirts and head wear, and while bumming around the house, it actually covers far more than a towel would. And it is, of course, far more comfortable.

Unfortunately, Bertrand spent the afternoon training clients in our living room, which precluded both showers and getting naked.

I made up for it with a delicious taco salad.

Lettuce, black beans, pico de gallo, avocado, cheddar cheese, and a dollop of sour cream. I KNOW I AM ON A DIET SHUT UP I LIKE SOUR CREAM.

I’m trying to decide whether to continue exercising in the heat by walking around my neighborhood every day, or to just give up the ghost and get to work at 6:00 every day to use the machines in the embassy gym. I’ve been avoiding the gym at work because 1) I am a shy ass motherfucker when it comes to fitness and 2) UGH, who wants to show up for work at 6:00 every day?

WHINE WHINE WHINE.

* Although I actually love this weather, I will be whining about the heat until oh, say, mid-April or May. I am a NEGATIVE NANCY and I DON’T CARE.

I love bread. Sorry, I’m not sorry. For those who can and do low-carb diets, I salute you! Every time I drop my carb intake, the pounds seem to melt off. Unfortuantely, I love pizza crust and sweet potatoes and carrots and pineapples and OMG CARBS. So I don’t do low-carb. Just like I’m tempted to go 100% vegetarian, but the thought of a sweet juicy steak every 6-months keeps me from taking the plunge. We eat veg 6 days out of 7, I don’t worry about our meat intake’s effect on the environment OR our bodies.

Anyway, it feels like I ate a lot of carbs, but when I look back on my pictures, actually, no. Very few carbs, in fact. I worked really hard to photograph everything I ate, so I’ll blame it on a faulty memory. Or getting days mixed up.

I started the day with a delicious cup of vanilla coffee. I can’t figure out why the bottle recommends up to 2T of sugar-free syrup. One teaspoon is more than enough sweetness in my morning coffee. Since we were apparently out of bread, pasta, and all other delicious carb-filled goodness, I made some egg-drop soup. Pictured here on my dusty dusty desk.

Bertrand’s mom sent down a ton of pineapples and yams from the North, which is great. Even better? Fresh wagasi.

I fried that up right quick and devoured two slices with Trader Joe’s Sweet&Hot mustard. Also eaten with TJ’s delicious mustard? Cucumbers. Not pictured because DAMN, those pictures are noisy.

For dinner, I reheated a smoked guinea fowl that B’s mom sent us. Pictured here with veggies tossed with Old Bay, then roasted.

P.S.Today’s pictures are really grainy, for some reason. ISO too high?

The new LiveStrong always crashes my browser at work. THIS IS POOR DESIGN, PEOPLE. Why did they spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to redesign the site, and neglect those of us who have to connect with older browsers on computers with poor memory?

Indeed.

I pre-logged all of my food for the day while I was meal planning yesterday because I’m a smarty-pants. And of course, I didn’t stick to the plan. I forgot to make overnight coffee, so had plain drip coffee at work. Delete the milk! And then I realized that I’d forgotten to calculate calories for my delicious pumpkin sauce. So I logged on. And then my browser crashed. Again.

Indeed. Indeed.

On the other hand, I remembered to pack my lunch. I asked Mom for a Mr. Bento for Christmas, and she got me one! I asked for it because:

1. It keeps food hot or cold all day.
2. It has reasonably sized compartments for food (not to small, and not too big).
3. It’s easy to break the day up into a few snacks and small meals, instead of one big meal at lunch.

Yesterday was delicious. Pumpkin overnight oats, salad, leftover pumpkin pasta, and watermelon balls. Delicious, healthy, and hassle free.